Initiate Launch Sequence

Warning: this could get ugly. I, like so many others, yet somehow unlike the others, have come to realize that I have something extraordinary to offer people who are blessed enough to have internet access. Yes, luckily for you, I have officially become a card carrying member of the self- aggrandizing club of bloggers who blog about nothing. I don’t really want to do this. It feels kind of like having to brush my teeth at midnight instead of going straight to bed after having fallen asleep on the couch. You know the feeling. If you don’t do something enabling you to so obviously and easily avoid bad consequences, you end up hating yourself and taking it out on those you love most.  At least as soon as I find someone who will let me love them.  By not brushing my teeth, an obvious bad consequence would be developing a rotten brown, baked bean teeth smile. I could live with that, rather than having to go to the dentist any more than is absolutely necessary.  Like if I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I have a mouth full of aluminum foil bubble gum. Dentists and their instruments and weird dentist smells scare me. I'd rather die in one of the SAW films.  I would be a terrible spy. The enemy could get anything out of me by threatening to give me a good teeth cleaning.  Or making me listen to country musi, or white guys listening to gangster rap in the car next to me..  But I digress. I think. I’ve never blogged before.

What I’m trying to get at is that I see this as a necessary task. I am so tired of feeling like a complete idiot (maybe it’s just me) hearing about all of the people making tons of money online soooo easily just being themselves. They are actually making money being themselves, which is just wrong. And I realize the inherent risk here – which of course is by offering up my own unique brand of observations I might be incontestably shunned by humanity, leaving me feeling utterly and uniquely worthless.  So I have nothing to lose in reality. If that happens (God forbid), I will shut the hell up, finally get my CDL license and ride off into the sunset with a load of something and some kind of slightly doctored manifest I think they're called.

I haven’t sold out completely though. I am an infrequent Facebook look at me look at me look at me narcissist.  Yet.  Did you know that approximately 60% of divorces files in the U.S. reference Facebook?  I heard that on Fox News, and since Republicans don't get divorced you liberals need to cool it with the Friend Finder utility.  My self-esteem quite that healthy enough to imagine you care about what I do on a regular basis. I  can’t seem to wrap my head around the whole social networking thing. It’s not that I think we don’t all have a need to express ourselves and feel validated, just not necessarily to thousands or millions of people. If those closest to us in our own lives expressed any real consistent interest in us we’d all be fine, and there would be far fewer completely unnecessary restraining orders.

So, here goes. Drum roll please.As my first official contribution to your life, I am going to start out real brash, like I just don’t care, and recommend a movie. I realize that by doing this I may lose the rest of you (who sadly are still reading this) because expressing opinions about movies and music tends to make people a wee bit judgmental. For instance, I think people who enjoy country music evolved from retarded monkeys, the rest of us from normal ones. Are there retarded monkeys, you ask? There must be – or must have been. Retarded monkeys whose dogs died and whose retarded monkey mates had cheatin hearts. I apologize to those of you who find the word retarded offensive. Special country music loving monkeys. And by the way, it’s okay/pc to say that because there are no black country music lovers. I checked.  Well there is one but he's retarded.  So please, it’s just a suggestion. And here it is; you should definitely see LARS AND THE REAL GIRL. Why you ask? Well, besides having a message that I thought was uplifting and inspiring (but not that much), I thought it was very memorable and funny. So there. That’s it. No analysis. Just see it. You’re welcome.

Tomorrows Blog will be titled: Yoga - Somebody’s Got to Say Something.  Or maybe I'll never write another word.